Do You Care Enough For Me?

There was a game we played during the Basic Training.

WARNING: This might be a spoiler for those who wished to attend the Basic Training in the future.

The light in the room was dimmed but bright enough to see the facial expression of each participant. The soothing instrumental music was playing in the background. We were asked to line up in a file of two and stood facing the other person. The two ends of the line meet and it is formed in a closed loop.

There are only two simple actions we need to do. We will look at our opponent in the eyes and then put out our right hand with a sign and carry out an action. After this is done with the person, we will take a step to the right and come face to face with the next person in line. This will goes on and on. No word shall be spoken.

We have a choice of the following options:

• If you do not wish to have any contact with your opponent, you will show a clenched fist.
• If you put out your index (only one) finger, you only wish to shake the other person’s hand.
• If you show two fingers as the symbol of victory, you will pat the person lightly on his or her shoulder.
• When you show your hand with an outward palm, it is your desire to give the person in front of you a bear hug.

So the options are, starting from the lowest, “do nothing”, “shake hands”, “a pat on the shoulder”, “a bear hug”. When the signals given by the two persons are different, the lower option will be acted out. The bear hug is only necessary when both persons put out their hands with an outward palm. Prior to the game, the trainer, with the help of the facilitator, had shown us how to do a proper bear hug without arousing any implication of sexual harassment or embarrassment.

As the game began, I would look intently into their eyes of the person standing in front of me. They are new faces and none of them look familiar. Bear in mind, there were over 200 participants and they are mostly strangers, at most new acquaintances. Not wanting to hurt the other person’s feelings, I would usually give him or her one or two fingers. In reminiscence, I realised I was judging the person by his or her look, age, gender, and the facial expression.

It all started with either a firm handshake or a gentle pat on the shoulder. As I moved along, I received the first hand with an open palm as opposed to my one or two fingers. As more and more people were giving me the open palm, I started to rethink my options. The faces began to look like my friends, colleagues, brothers and sisters, the respected elderly, and eventually it does not matter any more. By a magical touch, I started to hand out my open palm in response, and I embraced the bear hugs, initially with reservation but later with a vengeance, with the people that come into my presence. At the end, everyone was giving each other a heartfelt bear hug and somebody started to weep and sob.

Do you care enough for me to know who I am? Do you care enough for me to accept the person whom I really am? Do you care enough for me to look beyond my outer shell and see the real angel in me?